


Anytime

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Light self loathing, M/M, post 119, potentially pre-slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 02:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16053989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: Jon listens to the tape.





	Anytime

**Author's Note:**

> i was sad about something so i wrote this and i guess im less sad now?
> 
> who knows
> 
> not beta'd

Jon listens to the tape.  
  
He listens to all of the tapes, of course, he does, end of the world or not, he's still the Archivist. He's more of an Archivist now than he ever was.  
  
So he listens to the tape.  
  
Somewhere in between the grieving and the residual panic, he puts on Martin's tape. He wasn't even paying attention to what went into the player. Only now, he's listening to Martin burn statements, and Elias bang on the door and Jon's chest feels like its going to rupture.  
  
He's known about the crush for a while, known that everyone else knew for a while too. One mention to Georgie and even she knew that Martin Blackwood had a massive idolizing crush on him the size of the entire world.  
  
Jon couldn't for the life of him understand. Him? Of all people? Martin could do better- well, all right- moderately better. He deserves better.  
  
Jon's knuckles turn white, and he doesn't think about his dead assistants. Doesn't spare a thought for Michael Shelly or Helen Richardson. Ignores the growing heartache for Georgie and every single other statement giver over the years.  
  
All of them deserve better.  
  
But Jon's not thinking about them. He isn't. Not with the pangs of discomfort even a recording of documents burning gives him. He gave Martin the lighter. He knew this would happen. And still.  
  
How many more parts of him are going to be changed before all of this is over?  
  
He listened to Elias rip Melanie to shreds with just a few sentences. He expects Elias to do the same to Martin. He knows it's coming. He knows-  
  
The second Martin sobs, Jon feels like he might as well have died in the blast. In America, in the corridors, in the basement of that ugly wax museum the first time he was there.  
  
But he listens. Regardless of the pain, he listens.  
  
It's the least he can do.  
  
It's the absolute bare minimum he can do.  
  
The tape peters out and the office door opens.  
  
“Jon?” He did always have the best timing. “Are you-”  
  
Jon's almost surprised the tray doesn't fall to the ground when Martin sees him. Jon turns away and wipes the tears away.  
  
“I'm fine, Martin.”  
  
He can't remember the last time he actually cried over something. The tightness in the back of his throat hurts. He can hear the tray being set on the desk and Martin comes over slowly.  
  
“A-Are you sure? I can bring you something- anything. I mean, I was going to run to the store anyway- we ran out of the biscuits Basira likes so. So. I was going to go anyway. If you want something.”  
  
Jon can't help the laugh, and it's cruel before it even comes out of his mouth.  
  
“Come on Martin.” He says and stares at his hands. “You don't have to do this.”  
  
“Run errands? Don't mind really- Keeps me busy.”    
  
“Martin.”  
  
He doesn't say anything else after that. Jon feels a hand on his shoulder. He'd like to say he doesn't tilt his head to meet it. He'd like a lot of things.  
  
“Jon.” He says, just as serious. “I don't mind running errands.”  
  
“I listened to the tape.”  
  
“Oh.” He doesn't sound stunned or surprised. Jon doesn't know why he expected him to be either of those things.  
  
“I owe you an apology.”  
  
“It was my plan-”  
  
“When I was-” He hesitates to admit it, but it comes out regardless. “Stalking you, and-” Another deep breathe. “And Tim. I found the letters you wrote to your mother and I-”  
  
“Jon.” Martin spins him around until Jon's left to stare at his shoes. “I don't blame you for that.”  
  
“You should. You should blame me for all of it.”  
  
“You didn't hire me.”  
  
As if that makes any of this better.  
  
“I didn't fire you when I could- when I should have.”  
  
“No offense but I don't think you ever could?”  
  
“I just-” His throat is tight again, and a headache is starting to grow. “You deserve better, Martin.” His office is quiet again. Martin's hands are warm on the back of his neck. He's pulled forward- some part of him wants to protest, but the rest of him is tired. He's so fucking tired. His head bumps into Martin's chest. Some weird hug- he's at a weird angle, and Martin is forced to stand almost between his legs.

It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him.  
  
“You do too.”  
  
They all do.  
  
Aside from Georgie no one's really ever hugged him. His parents did, probably, but he doesn't remember them, and his Grandmother only ever did it when he was inconsolable and there is not a lot of fondness in those memories.   
  
Martin's hands are warm on his back. Martin's hands are large and solid and just enough to throw him completely off kilter. He feels like he's about to break down. That all of this has been a horrific culmination and simultaneously just another odd week.  
  
“I'm your boss.” His voice is quiet. Ragged.  
  
“You're not a great boss, Jon.”  
  
Martin is mother-henning him, and he feels like a child but the rest of him, the tired part, most of him, doesn't care enough. He's just glad something human is holding him and its not another kidnapping attempt.  
  
“I know.” Martin is actually rubbing his back, and Jon closes his eyes, despite himself. “Martin?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Would you leave? If you could- consequence free. No magic murder.”  
  
“Of course I would.” And he laughs, and Jon can hear the pacifying lie on his voice.  
  
“Martin.” The compulsion pours out of him like tears. Unwanted and painful.  “Would you leave?”  
  
“No. Not till I know everyone's fine. Till I knew you were fine... Did you-”  
  
“I'm a shit boss.” It earns him a chuckle and Jon lifts his arms up to hug Martin back. His chest hurts. “If you get an opportunity to leave you should take it. I'm serious, Martin. I'm not worth it. I'm really not.” Another laugh.  
  
“I'm not a great employee. Really bad at following orders. You should read my review.”  
  
Jon has half a mind to make him promise, but the rest of him, the tired, solid part of him knows it would just be needlessly cruel.  
  
“Martin.”  
  
“Yes, Jon.” Jon thinks of all of the apologies he could make, should make.  
  
“Thank you.” It must catch him off guard because Martin doesn't say anything. He lets go of Jon, and Jon's hands drop to his side.

When he looks up, Martin smiles down at him.  
  
“Anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always encouraged and very appreciated
> 
> please [talk to me](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/)
> 
> martin: im going to the store do you want anything  
> jon: my will to live  
> martin: i've got like 9 dollars


End file.
